October 11, 2011
Recent news reports that 6 tons of satellite debris fell within 300 miles of Christmas Island may in fact be a part of a large-scale cover-up, according to sources who spoke on condition of anonymity.
Authorities have long suspected that Santa Claus and his elves may be running an ultra high-tech operation from a remote region in the North Pole. Intelligence sources believe that Santa and his team engage in yearly, secretive trial runs in preparation for Christmas Eve's worldwide toy-delivery marathon.
How else would Santa deliver billions of presents in one night in our high-tech, overopulated times but by a huge, mile-wide, state-of-the-art sleigh with stealth-cloaking technology – one that is not meant to lose parts into the ocean?
The group's fondness for Christmas themes would seem to explain the choice of Christmas Island for their run-through, but this clever inside joke may in fact have done them in.
Still, a leading space agency cautions that there is no hard evidence linking the incident to Santa Claus, so the public should not jump to conclusions. Media watchdogs have called reports on Santa's sleigh ship “irresponsible,” as they may lead children to worry that Santa was harmed in the incident, which certainly doesn't appear to be the case.
Repeated phone calls to the North Pole were not answered as of presstime.
(Columbia Pictures and Sony Pictures Animation present an Aardman Animations production, “Arthur Christmas,” in theaters this December.)
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